Happy Thanksgiving!
We at Alliance Psychology want to wish all of our clients a Happy Thanksgiving!
We recognize that this time of year can be a challenge for many reasons. With Thanksgiving being a time for loved ones to gather and spend more time than normal with each other, the old adage to avoid sensitive topics like politics and religion still rings true – perhaps even more-so this year:) Knowing or discovering that you have different ideologies or beliefs than those you care about can be uncomfortable, especially if you are in conversation about those topics.
The American Psychological Association and our marriage and family therapists in Orem have given this some thought and wish to provide some tips and tricks to get along peacefully while enjoying the turkey and family time.
Not every cook is a chef: Go in with realistic expectations of how the holiday might look. More than likely, not every dish on the table will be a home run, and not every interaction is going to be one for the scrapbook. And that is okay! Having realistic expectations can be super powerful as you learn to recognize that only you have control over your own emotions.
No cranberry sauce for me please: It is okay to set boundaries ahead of time about which topics of conversation to avoid. If those conversations do arise, and you find yourself disagreeing with someone, instead of reacting, actively listen to the other person about what is important to them. For example, you might have different ideas about gun control but underneath you share the same concern for keeping your kids safe and healthy.
I love yams too!: Find topics of conversation where you do agree. Not only is this fun and engaging, you may find that by discussing shared viewpoints, areas of disagreement will feel less intense and your stress may decrease.
Don’t forget to wear your stretchy pants: In order to communicate effectively, be open and kind as you share your own viewpoints. Remember that the goal of any conversation should never be to convince or change someone else. Make room for their viewpoint, and above all else, have the goal be to understand each other. Be mindful of your words and tone and not let the conversation become hostile or combative. Avoid polarizing language and personal attacks, as that can have negative affects on the future of the relationship.
If the smoke alarm goes off, open a window: Keep calm when tensions rise. Preparing for how you might react in advance of a conversation will increase your self-awareness and may give you more options if you want to de-escalate tension. It is okay to excuse yourself to do some sort of grounding technique, like a walk in the fresh air, music, or breathing.
Turn off the oven when the timer beeps: Know when to end the conversation. Even if the conversation has not come to a resolution, you may want to find an appropriate time to end the discussion peacefully. It may be that you change the topic of conversation or suggest another activity. If the relationship is important to you, then remember that a rebuttal, an eyeroll, or a “one more thing” is probably not worth harming the relationship.
Our therapists in Orem want to remind you that disagreeing with someone you care about is ok. We need to learn how to disagree better, not avoid disagreement. Your personal opinions and beliefs make you unique. It might be hard to accept that a loved one or friend may have opposing ideologies than you, but understanding their viewpoints will help contribute to healthy relationships. If you are concerned about potentially difficult conversations at family gatherings, employ some of our tips, and try to remember that these events are about bringing people together, not driving them apart.
